These first-date pitfalls are difficult to avoid because they comprise an aspect of human nature: the need to belong and to be accepted by another. People sometimes overdo their efforts in meeting this need on a date, resulting in disappointment and hurt feelings. If you find yourself falling into the following behavior patterns, check yourself before you lead the date to an abrupt end.
If you catch the other person teary-eyed with boredom, or darting sidelong glances of irritation because you have been talking incessantly about yourself for the past thirty minutes, you’re teetering on the brink of rejection. First dates are meant to accost people closely toward each other, and before you open your mouth you should consider the intentions behind it. Are you speaking to sell yourself? To mask your insecurities? To try to fill the conversational void with any topic, no matter how inappropriate? It’s better if you let the other person speak on his or her turn, or at least usher in a segue so he or she can chime in an input; that way you’ll be able to at least minimize the damage, while getting more insight on your date’s personality.
Too much vulnerability on a first date is a turn-off if your date isn’t willing to go down that road. If you’ve just come off a sour relationship, don’t use this meeting to unwittingly vent out your frustrations with your ex; don’t reveal details about your personal life which may be awkward topics for a first meeting, such as your relationship fears or your personal issues; remember that your date may have similarly come a long way before this meeting, and the last thing the person needs is a retelling of the problems which he or she is uncomfortable in dwelling into. You may intimate personal information if your date is open to it, and the conversation naturally leads that way; otherwise, it’s healthier to keep some things to yourself, at least for now.
Avoid the urge to sugarcoat yourself in an aim to be more pleasing to your date. Honesty is a basic requirement in any relationship, and if you think that you’ll get on a head start in yours by bragging your way to his or her heart, well guess what: the person will be turned off more than anything else. Even if there is truth to your claims and anecdotes, avoid the tendency to sell yourself in this way, more so if the conversation fodder is pure rubbish. Even if you are initially successful in your attempt, eventually your date will know the real you, and it is better if you end up in a positive light than on a disparaging note.
Don’t stretch yourself way out on a limb and immediately assert yourself, demanding for a serious relationship. Doing this ends up in a serious turn-off. People have certain notions about those who propose to a commitment within an hour of the date, and more often than not, their notions are well founded. If you’re dealing with commitment issues, don’t bring it up on conversations during the date; keep your head clear and your emotions in check, and treat the date like you’re carefully testing the water depth before jumping in. Keep yourself in the moment, and worry about the future if the situation calls for it.
Be sensitive to cues. You know this. You’ll feel this. Actually this is a cause-effect chain which begins the moment your eyes meet. You’ll react a certain way, and your date will react in turn; how you deal with variables such as an awkward silence or suppressed yawns will mean the difference between a successful or disappointing date. Be sure you stay in touch with verbal or non-verbal hints throughout the date, and react with sincerity, while keeping your date’s feelings in consideration.