Whether you’re the person who has to dish out the bad news, or you’re on the receiving end of an unfortunate conclusion, a turndown is not a pleasant experience. When people go on dates, they usually hope for a fresh start, with some sort of expectation that this person could be it. Emotions are on the line; it’s like wearing your heart on a sleeve, leaving it open for the other person to dissect. If the date goes kaput, it is expected that at least one ego is bruised, and both parties are left emotionally wounded to an extent.
Saying ‘thanks, but no thanks’ in as pleasant manner as possible is a difficult undertaking, but you can minimize the damage by keeping your intentions sincere about it. If on the first date you feel that the arrangement won’t work, then being upfront about it with the other person is the best approach, since you’re both on the getting-to-know-stage, and your bearings are still intact. Don’t dally around in your decision and dish it out as soon as you can, putting instant closure to something which has no future in the first place. Being discreetly frank about the rejection lets the other person keep his or her dignity intact; if you delay the closure, there is an increased chance that the other person will be picking up the pieces when the time comes, and you’ll share more of the blame for it.
If you’ve both gotten quite involved about the prospect of a relationship, putting closure to the possibility should be done in as sensitive a manner as possible; by now you should have some insight on how the other person would react to such a dismissal. Anticipate his or her reaction and deliver the message in a firm, but gentle tone. Chances are the other person has seen this scenario a mile away and is bracing for the inevitable letdown. If the person persists, restate your statement in as firm a voice as possible, giving discreet reasons why the relationship won’t work. Whatever you do, remember that it isn’t your feelings which are practically being trampled upon at the moment, so keep the closure brief and tactful.
If you are on the receiving end of this scenario, it is understandable that you may feel pent-up emotions are waiting to burst forth, but keep them at bay. Remember that everyone has gone through what you are experiencing; this relationship just isn’t the right one for you. As long as you have kept yourself sincere during the whole process and in your succeeding attempts, you’ll find your suitable match sooner than you think. The rejection is not personal, and is not reflective of you as an individual; it is reflective of your incompatibility with the other person. Keep in mind that there are suitable matches out there for you, and getting back on the dating horse will draw you ever closer to that goal.