The set-up is probably the most awkward part of the dating experience. Here are two strangers who have limited knowledge on each other, feeling their way towards a personality match. Set-ups which happen through online, phone, or mail correspondence depend essentially on effective communication in order to work out. In this sense you’ll have to be minute in expressing your innermost thoughts and intents, especially if you are dealing with an emotion with such ambiguous interpretations as love.
You have to be able to bring out your personal thoughts in a positive way. Unfortunately, men will have a harder time in accomplishing this end more than women. The latter are very comfortable with it since they grew up that way; from girl clubs to adolescent cliques, to women’s lib organizations, females are accustomed to having their thoughts expressed without suffering damages to their femininity. Men have this stigma from childhood that if they talk too much or even shed a single tear, they’d be branded as sissies. They keep the feelings pent up into adulthood to the point that they actually forget how to express them. To reverse this process means a gradual intimation of thoughts, from the more mundane to the personal.
You have to be able to read between the lines. Men and women have different speech contexts, and it is helpful if you are good at reading hints within a conversation; this applies whether you have just corresponded or are setting yourselves up for a first date. Words are also ambiguous and depend upon context, so it is better if you acquaint with the other person better before moving on to more intimate conversations, in order to leave no room for misinterpretation.
You have to be able to keep the topics of conversation on a progressively personal note. Remember, you’re assessing your compatibility with the other person with every conversation, the same way he or she is assessing you, so showing that you sincerely care for the other person’s welfare goes a long way in making it happen. Short comments such as, “I know this great Italian restaurant which you’ll absolutely love,” or “I’ve read the book you asked me to go through, and its given me some precious insights,” show that he or she is involved in the things that you do, and it gives you pleasure to have the person around, even if it’s only for casual conversation.