The reason why most dates go bust even before couples ever meet is shyness. Even if there are a lot of dating opportunities around a person, as long as he or she is not willing to make the first step and actively go out of the comfort zone and risk a date, that person’s chances of ever meeting ‘the one’ is virtually zero. The good news is that everyone has experienced the dating jitters at least once in their life, and like every other fear (shyness is a fear – a fear of making contact with other people in anticipation of unfulfilled expectations), it can be dealt with by facing the problem head-on. The following tips should help you overcome your shyness, so that you’ll be all set for your next, or first date.
The usual underlying reason for shyness is a feeling of inadequacy. It may be in physical appearance or social and communication skills. The person feels a lack of qualities that is expected of a guy or girl for a successful match. This may be addressed by tackling the reason for the inadequacy. If it is a weight issue, then go out and exercise; if it is a looks issue, have a makeover. Once these areas are properly taken care of, the problem of self-esteem will dissipate, and the shyness follows accordingly.
Once these aspects of your personality are overcome, you should involve yourself in social groups which are able to encourage you to progressively express yourself. These groups should be accommodating enough to let you into their circle without initially putting too much pressure on yourself to actively participate. They should lead you on into more and more active involvement until the time comes when you feel that you are confident enough to positively assert yourself. To this end, your close friends are of immediate help; eventually you’ll need to get into groups which are more or less unfamiliar to you, so you can get rid of your shyness more effectively. Leisure organizations such as book and baking clubs, local soccer, basketball, rowing and football teams, and civic organizations are recommended; as long as you have something in common with them, or the group is something you can at least identify with, then they are great training fields where you can meet and socialize with all sorts of personalities, and hopefully be in good terms with the gender you are attracted to. If you apply yourself diligently, in no time at all you’ll be primed up and ready for a real date.
Of course you’ll inevitably deal with the likeability factor, or put in better terms, your attractive qualities which increase the chances of finding a suitable partner. Now this is a tricky issue, since the topic would immediately refer to physical appearance for some people. While looks are a significant factor in partner selection, it is only a small part of the attractiveness equation. If you measure yourself based on this single aspect, you’ll eventually put too much pressure on yourself to look physically attractive. The gaining of desirability is a holistic process, and is made up of multiple facets. You need to focus on your inner qualities and let them shine through. This begins with winning confidence. The fact is that people like to be around those who exude this attitude, those who are completely at terms with their limitations and sure of their capabilities that they can hold their own in any situation. If you feel lacking on this part, try thinking of your strengths, those that make you feel confident. Once you get a clear idea of what makes you positively different and take full advantage of it, your personality will radiate, and you will find yourself amidst people who share the same outlook.
You’ll need passion, the drive and focus towards achieving a goal. Passionate people have an unmistakable air of intensity about them which other people gravitate into, and most of the time they find partners who have the same inclinations. Find out which activity you’re good at, or pick up a hobby which appeals to you, and stick with it. Once you’re fulfilled in doing the one thing you love, the opportunities for a potential mate automatically follows through. Being able to express yourself well also allows your presence to be felt among any crowd, giving others the chance to know you through your articulated thoughts. You need not be the center of attention in order to maintain your bearing, as long as you can give your three cent’s worth in any conversation, the build-up effect of these snippets will be enough to leave a positive impression on the people around you. If you can effectively express your thoughts, then you need even more skills in listening in on the thoughts of other people. This shows that you care enough for them to listen to their opinions, no matter how trivial, with genuine interest. People basically love to talk, and if you are there to lend them a focused ear, more often than not, you will gain their trust, and if you prefer, their affection. Finally, you have to maintain a positive attitude. Even if a situation feels like searching for needles in a haystack, being optimistic about it is already traveling half the journey. Optimism is a contagious behavior; once you learn how to upswing every situation, people will begin to notice that there’s something in you that makes their life brighter whenever you’re around.
Successful dates don’t just happen, they are prepared for in advance, so make sure you have your tools all sharpened up, and yourself ready for that pleasant encounter.